Naruto Shorts
by Jashida
Summary: Short stories starring Naruto characters in really stupid situations. Chapter 1 Why ninjas shouldn't watch TV. Starring Kakashi.


**A/N- **I don't own Naruto, if I did Hinata would have gained enough backbone to claim her man.

**Why T.V. is bad for ninjas.**

Kakashi was in the hospital, **_again_**, for the same reason as all the previous times. Even though the sharingan was a great asset in battle, controlling it was becoming a massive problem. Especially with that brilliant new 'windmill' sharingan he'd developed. He let out a soft sigh. This had to be the most boring part of his life. There were rarely any visitors anymore, and his lack of movement forced him to stare at the ceiling for hours on end before finally growing unconscious because of said boredom.

"Well at least Tsunade isn't as relentless as the old man," he muttered.

Tsunade had at least provided him with a television, T.V. as it was most commonly called. It worked like the monitors they had on the towers and entrances to their village, but this device didn't show real world scenes, but scenes previously recorded and shown strictly for entertainment! _WOW!!_ Kakashi had always wondered what it would be like to watch tv, but old man hokage had simply told him, "TV's bad for you. It'll rot your brains out." In Kakashi's opinion the old goat was just too cheap to get one. He smiled softly as he picked up the remote and pressed a button-

Nothing happened…

He repeated the process- only to be plagued with the same result.

"_What the heck is wrong?"_ he asked himself.

It took him the better of five minutes to figure it out. The tv came on with a flash of light, and Kakashi's smile changed to a grin.

"Perfect," he laughed, "And all I had to do was press the button on top that said ON".

Kakashi, as was normal for a person who recently learned how to operate a tv, browsed through the channels. There were some with moving cartoons, others with real live people, and there were even some that displayed the events that were happening right that moment. Again, _WOW!! _Right now he was watching "Female Ninja News', strange he hadn't known Anko was a news reporter.

"And today our top stories" she said with a flair which was not uncommon to her, "Sharingan Warrior, Hatake Kakashi, has finally obtained a television; will his brains finally rot out as told by the Third? Uzumaki Naruto has, after fifteen years of life, renounced his old catchphrase of 'Believe it' for a totally new one. When asked about this strange turn of events Mister Uzumaki responded with a hearty, "It burns when I pee!!"

Kakashi blinked. Those were the top stories of Konoha? Quickly he switched the channel. If he kept on watching this crud his brains definitely would rot.

"Hello everyone."

Immediately he stopped. Was that Jiraiya?

"You all know me as Jiraiya – "

Yep that was him.

"the writer of many famous books such as 'Come come Paradise', 'Come come Violence', and even my new book, 'Make out Tactics', but I bet none of you out there knew I was a music producer. _Yes I know_. You are probably asking yourself; "A great author, an excellent ninja, a music producer and drop-dead-sexy? But astonishingly yes. I am that talented."

"And modest too," Kakashi muttered.

"Yes that too."

Kakashi blinked.

"And I have come to speak of this one time special offer. For today and today only you may get the entire collection of all the songs I ever produced as sung by "The Leafy Grains of Wet Sand". Yes that hit band "The Leafy Grains of Wet Sand" for a measly sum of 1000000 yen. Too good to be true? No it isn't. You may get the entire 600 songs on five CD's for only 1000000 yen!"

Suddenly the scene changed. It was dark, raining. Lightning flashed, and then-

"Sasuke?!"

"Live little brother" Itachi was saying, "Live with the shame…"

Kakashi stared as he disappeared in a puff of smoke. Sasuke ran outside tears streaming down his face as he raised his head to the sky and screamed-

Cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome  
And I don't feel like I am strong enough  
Cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome  
And I don't feel right when you're gone away 

"WTF?!"

'Not only does it include Sasuke's great single," Jiraiya continued, "but the great musical stylings of that unbeatable duo Haku and Zabuza!"

The scene flashed again, and suddenly they were on the plains of the Village Hidden in the Mist. Surrounded by the bodies of fallen ninja Zabuza was smiling, along with a mask less Haku.

Zabuza: See the ninja rise and fall

And the Beauty of it all

I get to spend my time with you

Just the two of us

We can make it if we try

Just the two of us

Haku (as backup): Just the two of us

"…" 00

Jiraiya smiled brilliantly, and Kakashi had the strangest feeling that something stupid was about to happen.

Once again the scene flashed. And it was him, back when he fought Zabuza, and just when he was about do the summon jutsu.

"Damn," Kakashi thought, "I look cool!"

Kakashi watched as the other version of himself went through the movements he had long since learned.

"Summon Jutsu!" the version yelled.

Kakashi: Who let the dogs out?!

Akamaru: Woof

Paku: Woof

Kiba: Woof

Kiyubi: Woof

Kakashi: Who let the dogs out?!

Akamaru: Woof

Paku: Woof

Kiba: Woof

Kiyubi: Woof

"OMFG!!! I never did - "

"I bet you'd never have thought that a deal this good would come along any time soon, but wait there's even more".

Kakashi could feel his head coming to a boil, but try as he might his eyes could not stray from the horrid object. After all those fights, all that training, had the Sharingan Warrior finally met his match; in a television?

The next scene took him back to Konoha, on the very outskirts of the city. Sakura was running, her pink hair blowing quickly behind her as she ran in long sweeping strides.

"Sasuke," she yelled.

Sasuke turned to face her, his face completely stoic.

Sakura: STOP!

In the name of Love…

Suddenly the Sand Village-

Kankuro: Every –body

Come on now every-body

Move your body

Every Every Body

Assorted Puppets: Every-Body

Move your Body

Move Your Body

Every Every Body

"help…" Kakashi moaned weakly.

"And there's still more to come. If you call right now we'll include the Akatsuki and Gaara solo CD's free."

Itachi: All the women

Who independent

Thrown your hands up at me!

Kisame: All the mommas

Who rockin dollas

Throw your hands up at me!

Gaara: Lonely

I am so lonely

I have Nobody

For my own

Sasori: I'm

Too sexy for my shirt

To sexy for my shirt

So sexy it hurts

I'm

To sexy for my body

To sexy for my body

"And for an additional fee you may even receive the Team Gai song set.

Rock: We are family

Tenten: We got Rock Lee, Neji and me

Neji: We are family

Rock: Everybody was kung fu fightin

Those kats move fast as lightning

Neji: Kiss Kiss Kiss Kiss

So wonderful

Kiss Kiss Kiss Kiss

Gai: Makin my way down town

Walking fast-

"_**Lightning Blade!!!"**_

_**SMASH!!!!!!**_

The most beautiful noise Kakashi had ever heard. Never again was he ever going to dismiss a hokage's advice. Never again… He slumped down to the bed once again. Where the heck had he ever gotten the strength to use that jutsu was beyond him, but thank the gods he had. Had he listened any longer… he could only dream of the consequences. Slowly he turned to watch the vast, plain, incessantly beautiful ceiling, waiting until he got bored enough; never taking notice that the hypnotic jutsu that had been playing in the background was taking effect, and his right hand was moving with the most deliberate of ease towards the telephone…

A/N- This has to be the second most stupid thing I have ever thought up. But I thought it might be funny. So if anyone reads this. Please leave a review. Even constructive flaming is invited.


End file.
